


Hockey!!! on Ice

by Pugglemuggle



Series: Pugglemuggle's SASO 2017 Fills [5]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (except for that), (it's for comic relief tho i promise), Alcohol, Angry Yuri Plisetsky, Canon Universe, Crack, Drunk Katsuki Yuuri, Drunken Shenanigans, Fluff and Crack, Goalies, Grand Prix Final Banquet, Hockey, Hockey Christophe Giacometti, Hockey Jean-Jacques Leroy, Hockey Mila Babicheva, Hockey Otabek Altin, Hockey Yuri Plisetsky, Jean-Jacques Leroy Being an Asshole, Jean-Jacques Leroy tries to be a goalie, M/M, Otabek is Awkward, Phichit takes selfies, Post-Banquet, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, Vomiting, Yuri Plisetsky is a Brat, everyone else just tries to play hockey, implied locker room sex?, they all have a good time in the end i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 10:59:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11356104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pugglemuggle/pseuds/Pugglemuggle
Summary: The Grand Prix gang decides to play some late-night drunken hockey, because none of them can pass up the opportunity to shoot hard rubber projectiles at JJ's face. Shenanigans ensue.





	Hockey!!! on Ice

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for the 2017 Sports Anime Shipping Olympics Bonus Round 2: Tic Tac Toe and can be found in its original form [here](http://sportsanime.dreamwidth.org/22249.html?thread=12491497#cmt12491497). The prompt, provided by [mousapelli](http://mousapelli.dreamwidth.org/), was "hockey slang that always sounds dirty" and "3 on 1". This is def a bit of a reimagining of this prompt but... well... it was fun to write? i am the cryptid of hockey au fills, so i had to at least try.

JJ started it.  
  
“I could have been a goalie,” JJ said to the group, sloshing his Champagne flute enough that a few drops spilled onto Chris’s lapel. Chris frowned. “I could have definitely been a goalie. I was great in my peewee league before I decided to focus on figure skating. I could’ve gone pro.”  
  
“You want to test that?” Otabek asked. All the gathered figure skaters turned to look at him. “We could go back to the rink.”  
  
“Yeah,” Yuri chimed in. “We could go right now.”  
  
And so, because none of the skaters attending the Grand Prix Banquet could resist the opportunity to try shooting hard rubber objects at JJ’s face, a drunk caravan of the world’s most prestigious professional figure skaters found themselves barging in on a very confused midnight security crew and taking over the _Centre de Convencions Internacional de Barcelona_ at 12:30 in the morning.  
  
“Where did you get all this hockey gear, Mila?” Sara asked, helping Mila carry a bag full of goalie pads into the arena. As much as JJ pissed them off, they all agreed that protection was important.  
  
“I dated a hockey player,” Mila said. “He left some of his stuff in my car.”  
  
“Makes perfect sense,” Sara nodded. “You think it’ll fit JJ?”  
  
Mila shrugged. “Eh. It’ll have to do.”  
  
Once they’d all stumbled into the arena, the majority of them managed to put on their skates, despite the lack of fine motor control that came with inebriation. The plan was to come at JJ one by one in groups of three, shootout style. If JJ could stop more than half of them, he won. If not.... The skaters hadn’t agreed upon a penalty yet.  
  
“Will you try, Yura?” Otabek asked, sitting down next to Yuri on the bench next to the rink. If Yuri hadn’t personally watched him drink several glasses of wine, he would have thought that Otabek was sober, what with how collected he seemed to be. The flush high on his cheekbones gave him away, though. Yuri was probably the only sober one in the whole goddamn arena, despite the flute of Champagne he’d managed to sneak when no one was looking. He huffed, tightening his laces.  
  
“You can bet your fucking ass I will,” Yuri said. “JJ’s smirk is really fucking annoying.”  
  
“Have you played hockey before?” Otabek asked.  
  
Yuri was silent for a moment.  
  
“...No,” he admitted eventually. “But it can’t be that hard.”  
  
Meanwhile, Viktor and Yuuri were hovering at the edge of the ice. Yuuri was hanging off Viktor’s arm like he was physically attached to it. “You don’t have hockey in Japan, do you?” Viktor asked, running his hand through Yuuri’s hair.  
  
“No... ‘s not a big sport,” Yuuri slurred. “We have... a national team, but....”  
  
“Hm,” Viktor hummed. “I guess that means we’ll probably never get a hockey anime, then.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Oh, nothing.”  
  
Soon, it was time to start. The skaters lined up on the ice, hockey sticks in hand, while JJ squatted in front of a net they’d managed to find in a convenient supply closet nearby. Viktor, Yuuri, and Chris would go first, and then Yuri, Otabek, and Mila would go next. Sara and Phichit had elected to be on filming duty tonight. Sara was recording everything on her iPhone, while Phichit was doing his part to capture the moment by flooding his snap story with dozens of drunk selfies. Everything was ready.  
  
Chris went first. He surprised JJ with an elegant wrist shot right in front of the goal. The puck sailed straight through JJ’s legs and into the net.  
  
“Wow, you’re fantastic, Chris!” Sara exclaimed from the sidelines. “You must have played a lot of hockey!”  
  
“Not really,” Chris said, smiling, “but I do know my way around a stick.”  
  
Yuuri went next. He was holding the stick wrong, but it was too endearing for anyone to try to correct him. He skated forward a little, unsteady, and then swiped the stick across the ice. His stick missed the puck entirely. For some reason, this was so funny that he burst into a fit of giggles and had to be helped off the ice by Viktor. They left for the locker room and were gone for quite a while.  
  
“So... does this mean I stopped two out of three?” JJ asked when it became clear that Viktor and Yuuri weren’t coming back. The others shrugged.  
  
“I guess I’m next,” Mila said. She twirled the hockey stick in her hand lightly, sizing JJ up as she glided to center ice. “I promise not to let you off so easily.”  
  
She tapped the puck back and forth with her stick, her face thoughtful. Then she hurtled forward, drew back her stick, and hit a perfect slap shot over JJ’s shoulder.  
  
“It’s two to two,” Sara narrated helpfully. “Way to tie it up, Mila!”  
  
Mila winked.  
  
“Do you want to go, or should I?” Otabek asked Yuri. Yuri shook his head.  
  
“No, I’ll go,” he said. He skated to the center of the rink and dropped a puck onto the ice.  
  
“Oh, _l’enfant_ is going to try,” JJ said. “Good luck.”  
  
“What did he call me?!” Yuri growled, whipping his head around to look at Chris for the translation. Chris was Swiss—Swiss people spoke French, right?  
  
“Oh,” Chris said. “He called you a child.”  
  
Yuri turned back to JJ and glared. “I’ll fucking show you, you French-Canadian dickbag,” he muttered. He took careful aim, lining his shot up as best as he could, and then slammed the puck straight at JJ’s head.  
  
“What the fuck?!” cried JJ. The puck ricocheted off his helmet and flew off towards the other side of the rink.  
  
“...Impressive,” Otabek said. “But I don’t think that will count as a point.”  
  
“That’s what you’re here for,” Yuri said, shoving Otabek’s shoulder. “I’m counting on you, Beka.”  
  
Otabek made an assenting noise and prepared for his turn. The other skaters were quiet, watching with rapt attention. The suspense was almost palpable. Otabek stared at the net, took a breath, blinked once, blinked twice, and then threw up in the middle of the ice rink.  
  
“Oh my god,” Yuri said. “I fucking knew it. I knew you were more drunk than you looked.”  
  
Otabek coughed and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, his eyes watering a little from the acid. “...Sorry, Yura.”  
  
Needless to say, the custodial staff were not pleased. In the following Grand Prix skating events it became ISU policy to forbid any skater to reenter the arena after the competition. Sara’s video of the event got more hits on YouTube than most of the videos of the other skater’s actual programs, and JJ added “almost an NHL goalie” to his Twitter bio. For everyone involved, it was a memorable night.  
  
Everyone except Yuuri, that was. He couldn’t remember a goddamn thing.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this story, feel free to check out my other Yuri on Ice fics [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&work_search%5Bfandom_ids%5D%5B%5D=11444638&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=0&user_id=Pugglemuggle)!


End file.
